


JJs

by dhampirdarling



Category: Heathers (1988), Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhampirdarling/pseuds/dhampirdarling
Summary: Someone wants to rule the school... And they aren't afraid to use a little force.





	JJs

JJ told me he teaches people Real Life. He said, “Real Life sucks you dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.” I said, “So you teach people how to fly?” He said, “Yes.” I said “You’re fucking beautiful.”

 

Yuri sat himself down on the stairs, his hair falling haphazardly in front of his eyes as he looked down at the book in front of him. His lip twitched upward, pulling the pen with the stupid cat on the clicker from his back pocket just before his ass hit the hard cement of the stair. He pushed his hair back and pulled the monocle up from his diary, pressing it up underneath his eyebrow. He began scribbling in the book, his handwriting uneven and sloppy, it wasn’t like anyone was going to read it but him anyway. He jerked forward, his monocle falling to the page of the diary with a thud. He glared up at the yellow mess that stood above him.

“What the fucking fuck, JJ?” He muttered, slamming his pen down in the spine of the book. The male that stood above him sighed and pushed his hair back, looking over to his double, then back to Yuri.

“Sorry, Yuri. JJ really wanted to see you. Said it was the most important thing he had ever thought of since that JJ style he makes us do,” JJ muttered. He nodded to his companion, “Right JJ?”

“Yeah, Yuri. He seemed really impatient.” Yuri groaned and pushed the monocle back into the diary, then slid his pen and the book away in his bag. He adjusted his jacket and stood, following the JJ’s that led the way back to the cafeteria. Yuri cringed. Just looking at these two made him sick. His eyes moved from the green one on the left (JJ Duke, no personality to be found, but he was still a dick nonetheless), to the yellow one on the right (JJ McNamara, arguably nicer, still a rich prick). He tucked his hair back, remembering just how all of this garbage became his reality. Everything used to be so simple. He ran his tongue over his teeth and stopped, hands in his pockets as he entered the cafeteria. Only a few months before had he been practically invisible. Now it seemed like everyone was constantly scrutinizing every move he made. He saw a couple of girls turn and whisper, one of them, a red haired girl, giggling wildly at something. He looked her up and down and she stopped, simply holding back snickers as her friend held her hand. Yuri sneered and followed the JJ’s over to a figure cloaked in red. He turned as they approached, his hands formed into two J’s.

“You’re doing it backwards, JJ,” JJ Duke, muttered.

“Shut up, JJ!” He exclaimed, making the other male recoil. The red one lifted his chin and grinned, practically pushing JJ D. aside as he approached Yuri. Yuri grimaced and attempted to turn it to a smile before the red JJ scolded him for not being charming enough. As if he was charming in the slightest. Truth be told, Yuri legitimately hated this one. The only reason he even tolerated him was because he brought him to where he was now. This one, JJ Chandler. Yuri could live without him in every sense of that statement. He could not stand this boy with the much too cocky attitude. He was an annoyance, but a necessary annoyance.

“Yuri, what do you think?” JJ C. asked, tapping a piece of paper he had produced from seemingly nowhere. Yuri blinked, having missed every bit of what he had said.

“...What?” He stammered, resulting in a huge sigh from JJ C.

“I said we should write a fake note from Viktor and slip it onto Yuuri’s lunch tray,” he said, pointing dramatically to a dark haired male in glasses hunched over a few pictures and his lunch, “What do you think? You were friends with him. Can you do his handwriting?”

Yuri groaned, “God, I don’t know, JJ. That’s fucking rude, what has he done to you?” He asked, snatching the paper regardless. JJ C. pushed JJ D. to bend over, obviously already moving to do so.

“Look at that. Showing your ass and I didn’t even have to ask,” JJ C. said, looking proud. He adjusted the front of his red shirt and handed Yuri a pen. Yuri pulled the cap off with his teeth and began writing on his friend’s back. He listened to JJ as he recited exactly what was to be written. The pen pushed through the paper onto the back of JJ D.’s hideously green shirt.

“Shit, sorry JJ,” Yuri whispered, folding up the note, “I still think this is the worst idea you’ve had since that shit you do with your hands,” he muttered. The red JJ looked completely appalled. He moved his hands up into the J’s, configuring them correctly this time, “Yes, that thing.”

JJ C. snatched the note up, reading it through quickly, “You nailed his handwriting. I still don’t know how you can do this.”

“You learn a lot looking at shit other than your own reflection once in awhile,” Yuri snapped, grabbing the note back. He refolded it and handed it to JJ M., who immediately made a move for Yuuri. He had stood and was going to throw his garbage away. He slid it into the front pocket of his shirt. Yuri cringed and sat back, glancing to the side to try to avert his gaze from the scene that was about to unfold in front of them. He parted his lips, time began to slow. He swallowed hard and blinked slowly, crossing his arms tight in front of his chest. There was a male sitting in the corner, wearing a long black trench coat. He pushed his hand through his hair absentmindedly and Yuri bit his lip. The stranger caught his eye and grinned, waving a bit. Yuri averted his gaze quickly and JJ C. grinned, pointing.

“Look!” He snickered, his hands twitching as he resisted the urge to show his tell. The black haired male was reading the note, his hands shaking a bit. As he read, his head kept popping up to glance at the jock table. Two males sat there proudly, the blond one pantomiming a dirty act. Yuri’s gaze moved back to Yuuri and he bit his tongue. He felt the JJ’s move around him to get a better vantage point. He looked down as Yuuri stood and held the note tightly in his hands. He walked over to the jocks and put the note on the table. The grey haired male squinted as he read the note, the blond one beginning to laugh uncontrollably. The grey haired one looked up and laughed in Yuuri’s face, making the black haired male turn bright red. He grabbed the paper and stormed out, leaving the JJ’s to absolutely die laughing. JJ C. brought his hands up, finally able to JJ Style without being reprimanded by the other two.

“You’re all fucking gorgeous, you know that?” Yuri muttered, plopping himself down on the bench to one of the lunch tables. The JJ’s filed in around him. JJ C. harrumphed and prodded Yuri with his elbow.

“If you’re gonna be this much of a dick, maybe I will leave you alone to go sit with Yuuri again,” he said, bending over to retrieve a clipboard from the floor, “Anyway… Yuri, guess what today is.”

“Shit, not the fucking lunchtime poll again, JJ. We did three last week alone,” the blond groaned, putting his head against the table. He looked up. “What’s the question?”

“Yeah, JJ, what’s the question? Is it the one asking people if they like your new catchphrase… Again?” JJ D. asked, resulting in a shove from JJ M.

“Geez, JJ, you were there when I thought of it,” JJ C. groaned, looking up at Yuri again.

“No, that was me, JJ. JJ was too busy gawking at that black haired ‘beauty’ again,” JJ M. muttered, “I much prefer blonds,” he said, winking at Yuri, resulting in an almost instantaneous gag.

“God, is it that fucking question you kept asking me over text last night, JJ?” Yuri groaned, his forehead meeting the table once again.

“Yup, get up. Time to go ask it.” He said, standing up and pulling Yuri up by the back of his jacket. Yuri quickly pulled himself back in order, his gaze moving back to the mysterious stranger in the corner. He swallowed hard as he saw the male grinning at him being tugged around by the red male. He half panicked as JJ C. pulled him to a table directly adjacent to the new guy’s. Yuri looked down, hearing JJ talk.

“So,” he began, looking over the people at the table. Yuri immediately realized the girls who had been laughing earlier were sitting among them, “So, you inherit like, five million dollars from somewhere, who cares about the source anyway, it’s five million dollars. Anyway, an hour later, aliens come down and say the earth is gonna be blown up in two days, what do you do?” The red haired girl immediately began to laugh and the darker haired girl sitting next to her smiled.

“I’d probably invest it all, like, what if the aliens were totally lying to screw with us, you know?” The red haired girl grabbed her hand and squeezed. She was finally starting to stop laughing.

“Goddamn, Sara,” she breathed, wiping her eyes, “Always looking on the bright side of things, aren’t you?”

“Such a pessimist, Mila. What do you think you would do?” She asked, looking over at her.

“I’d probably blow it all. You know me, Sara.” A male came up behind them and grabbed their wrists, prying them apart.

“Mickey--” Sara whined.

“You know I don’t like my sister communing with people like her,” Mila feigned a look of complete offense, “What are you talking to these two for?”

“Lunchtime poll,” Mila explained, “So you inherit five million dollars and then aliens tell you they’re gonna blow you up in two days, what do you do?”

Mickey scoffed. “I’d put it all toward protecting my sister, of course.” Another bouncy male came up behind him and held his shoulders.

“I’d have a nice couple days with the people I love, of course?”

“Shit, Emil, you’ll give everyone diabetes with how sweet you act,” Mila cooed, standing up to pinch his cheek. Yuri knew he was like a big puppy, but he didn’t know his friends treated him as such. JJ scribbled everything they said down and nodded.

“Thank you for your input,” he said, tapping the pen against the clipboard as if he had just finished with a flourish. Yuri sighed and looked to the side. The stranger put a finger gun against his head and pretended to pull the trigger, making Yuri snort. He covered his mouth and JJ looked over, “So we have the same type then,” he hummed and looked down to Yuri, “His name is Otabek Altin. I have third period with him. You think you have a shot?” Yuri’s head snapped to look at JJ.

“Of course I have a shot. I’m not like you,” he shot back, crossing his arms again. JJ rolled his eyes.

“Sure, it’ll be funny to see you cry like Yuuri was,” he teased, poking Yuri with the pen. The blond groaned and snatched the clipboard away from him. He walked up to the male dubbed Otabek and grinned, holding the clipboard.

“You one of those JJ’s?” He immediately asked, leaning on the table as he spoke to Yuri. He was caught a bit off guard by this question.

“Shit, I hope I’m not that fucking ugly…” He smiled nervously, almost uncomfortably, “No, I’m a Yuri. Yuri Plisetsky.” The male in the trench coat grinned.

“Altin. Otabek Altin. What were you talking to that group over there for?” He asked, making Yuri grin a bit.

“This may sound like a stupid question--” He began, only to be cut off by Otabek.

“There’s no such thing as a stupid question,” he said, tilting his head and smiling up at Yuri.

“You inherit five million dollars the day aliens show up and say they’re gonna blow everything up in two days, what do you do?” He asked. Otabek looked a bit blindsided.

“Jesus, that’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.” He smirked a little and Yuri flushed bright red, “I think we might get along just fine, you and me--”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a complete joke with one of my friends on Tumblr like a year ago, this has been sitting in my drafts and I finally got the gall to post it. Friend, be proud. This makes no sense but it makes us laugh. Godspeed.


End file.
